Unsent Letters

Unsent Letters

While the world celebrates friends, I look out of my dusty window and play back the memories we made. 
I have never opened up about what the presence or absence of certain people mean to me.

From the moment I picked up your crayon when we were six till last month when I carried you home and now being reduced to nothing but strangers, I suppose we’ve come a long way. You could never imagine that warmth I felt when people called out our name together. 

I remember those long letters we used to write to each other, first confessing our friendship and later celebrating our love. I still have unsent letters, do you have them too? Or have you given up on writing them? I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I tried too, but its something that became a part of me, I still have the address of our future apartment scribbled in the last pages of the diary we wrote. 

Each time I saw you, I fell for you and your childish ways. Do you remember I just stared at you while you spoke, each and every word absorbed by my heart to frame our rhapsody. 

Whenever you talked about yourself, I’d always have a plan to be the saviour you needed but then I was never the one you wanted.

Won’t you come back to where you belong?

Would you let me be your daylight after every night?

Ever since you came around, with your childishness being the fresh flower in my dried out garden, my heart began to envy you like dried out leaves admiring new ones. 

I still listen to our mix tape vehemently, with the hope that you do too, or have you misplaced the CD,like your letters for me? I’d help you find them maybe, once I rediscover myself. Maybe we could make a new mixtape and write fresh letters instead of crumpled up pieces of paper. 

I still want to watch sunsets beside you, fall asleep under the stars in your arms. And when we wake up, I’d remove those few strands of hair covering your face to catch a bit more of your child like innocence.

I still count on us to find our way back to each other, it isn’t too much to ask. Afterall we have alot of places we promised to visit.

Our mixtape plays on repeat and the lyrics remind me of a rythm of two hearts. 

For now I may have run out of things to write but they will find their way into the next letter I write. The one I’ll hopefully post.

P.S : This is written on an opening sentence given by someone else. 

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A Home That Never Was

A Home That Never Was

Incessant drizzle,

empty street 

sunday evening 

I don’t know. 

I don’t know, maybe I would have understood things if you would not have been such a paradox. I don’t know if it made any sense or how to make any sense out of it at all.

Very likely I’ve lost the ability to understand things.

You came and left me there.. alone in the middle of the street; and I fixed my eyes at your back with a steady intent, watched you walk away from me; secretly hoping that you’d stop. That you’d look back. That you’d take me with you. I had so much faith in our forever’s. I can barely accept the fact that they faded away too..

.. Within seconds you disappeared like my faintest smile.

I didn’t move I swear. I thought you’d come back. Come back for me. For us. But you didn’t. I thought about all those good times we had, I hoped and believed you’d come back for them. Now I’ve driven myself to believe that all we had was a stroke of serendipity.

I stood there numb. My clothes all wet and I could feel water dripping off my hair; drop by drop, I could feel the emptiness of the night caressing my body and craving to lust. I could feel the rain enfolding me and vigourously showing me a sense of love.

So I kept waiting there,for someone who was never going to come, for feelings I was never going to feel, for words I was never going to hear, for letters I was never going to receive.      

And I was longing without having someone to long for. And I cannot describe in words, I cannot make you fathom in how many pieces I am broken in; trust me I can’t. And to think no matter how hard I try to put those pieces together, you’re the only one that can put them back where they are meant to be. You taught me to fly and then clipped my wings.

I gathered all the strength that was left in me, in pieces and bits. I got up and started walking,unaware of what was going on around me. I lost touch of my surroundings, as a light hit my eyes, I barely flinched, till it struck me, I was walking in the middle of the road, I stumbled on to the sidewalk and the driver yelled at me but then I did not act like I would usually do. I did not shout back at him, the chaos inside me barely cared about what was going on outside.

I was only able to see the road in front of me which was blurred and empty. And was only able to hear your whispers inside my head. I didn’t have the strength to fight with your voices, they were too strong to be stopped. The whispers echoed inside my head, all I felt was your voice repeating each and every lie you’d come up with. My words unlike yours will neither confuse nor contradict.

The road to home looked unaccustomed and unfamiliar, it wasn’t coming to an end. It was never ending for the first time in decades. I would maybe find the right road but not necessarily the right destination.

I wanted to reach home but I couldn’t, not because I was lost but because I had nowhere to go. In my dreams and in reality you were home, now maybe I am living a nightmare because I can’t find home. I have taken unending roads, travelled unchartered territory, yet I haven’t found my way back to you.

I unlearned that you were my home and that you had left. I made my home in you, and it is to you I wish to return, but some wishes are never meant to be fulfilled.

You had left on a,

incessant drizzle, 

empty street, 

 sunday evening”

In Collaboration With Saheen Rahman

Insta Id : namastayfoutofmyway

Look At The Stars

Look At The Stars

‘Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you”
I pondered what is it about Coldplay that amazes me so much. I just cannot seem to get Chris Martin’s voice out of my head and the lyrics as well but no fussing over that, having Coldplay songs stuck inside your head is one thing I don’t mind. 
That line though does get me thinking ‘Who do the stars shine for?’ 
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we all had a star that shone just for us. You feel a little low just step out on your terrace and look up and lo and behold there it is shining a little brighter from up there, reassuring you that it is going to be all right, there are going to be cloudy nights as well like it faces but then the next night it does shine brighter. 
Its hard to shine so bright and draw attention in a dark sky. That’s what we need to do as well.

I ponder and step out on my balcony, I look up and I barely recognise any constellations but I do make up objects of my own linking one star to the other. I see things, people all made up my linking one star to another, it does amaze me.

Wouldn’t it be perfect if at the end of the day we just lie there looking at stars and look at them shine, lose ourselves in them without the fear of getting lost, maybe I’d buck up on my stargazing game and show all to you and you would go on listening to my endless chatter until I would suddenly smile or maybe laugh a little at my silly ways and I would feel warmth gushing through my veins. 
It would be quite magnificient to just fall asleep there under the stars, as they shine for us. 

Now I must get to the point.
Come Stargaze With Me? Will you?

I shall await under my starlit balcony,

Stuck In A Labyrinth, Writing Through It.

Stuck In A Labyrinth, Writing Through It.

sat looking out of my bedroom window, the pouring rain meant I was to be stuck inside my room. For the past few days I had been unable to get myself to write and it was making me uneasy and cranky as well. 

Its strange, sometimes you sit for long hours and you cannot get yourself to write even a meaningful sentence and then again sometimes it takes you just a minute to scribble something worthy. Writing had kept me sane. I had never been so restless in months, I had repeatedly resorted to writing and it had been my trump card on the gravest of occassions. 

We are all in different traps and we spend most of our lives trying to get out, it takes humongous effort to go on. I can’t help but compare life to Subway Surfers wherein life you’re just jumping over one trap to another while time is chasing you. That may sound silly but I was just trying hard to stretch my imagination right there, hoping for a spark.

The rain starts pouring harder and the little rebel in me dreams of sunny days and the warmth it brings, my mind then reverts back to the traps and how they are mazes that can be avoided but then you do grow alot the moment you get into that maze rather than keeping it aside. We all want to escape those traps and mazes but focus on the journey, the journey defines you. 

I think about the times when I feel helpless and my head feels like bursting into pieces. I remind myself of instances, people and things that help me put those fragments back together. We are never irreperably broken. 

All of us are stuck in a labyrinth much like Alaska, but then she never thought she would escape it while I do feel we can. 

The rain stops and I smile to myself, I did manage to write. 

Afterall I too am Stuck in a Labyrinth, Writing Through It.

Maybe What Remains Inside, Remains Intact!

Maybe What Remains Inside, Remains Intact!

We’re all people with dark secrets, crazy thoughts and opaline feelings. There are few who choose to bare it all out whereas there are others who just prefer to bottle them up. The latter are often urged to let it all out, lay their souls bare but one should remember that its just a preemptive measure for letting it out does take away your shield.
There are people who feel that if it comes out it will leave you feeling lighter because the result maybe positive but then chances of that are slim, on the contrary it is much easier to keep things to oneself. Silence is golden it is said and now after further inspection I do feel it is golden for silence is safe. Its a way for people who want to avoid sliding into obscurity all because they let what they had within them to surface. Maybe we’re caging our hearts and our souls and rearing them to be stolen and staked. If you’d give these people the assurance that if they let their hearts out they’d still have it intact then they would ooze their inner words out without second thought. Its just us shielding our souls and waiting for that one chance where we will let it all down and give way to the urge of speaking out, let go of our inhibitions. 

How many times have you regretted it when you let out something you did not want to? 

Perhaps the people who keep their thoughts within are safe but then life is about risking it as well.

Maybe What Remains Inside, Remains Intact!

But then there are too many maybe’s involved!

When ”Human Lust Takes Demonic Form”

When ”Human Lust Takes Demonic Form”

”You board a bus with your friend. You’re all happy and cheerful. When you’re on the bus you keep to yourself and do no harm to anyone , but like a dream turning into a nightmare your world turns upside down. You are raped by hideous creatures who donot deserve to be even called human beings. And if commiting a rape is not enough they beat up your male friend and to top it all they throw you out of a moving bus.”

Writers have vivid imaginations but when I write about what Nirbhaya faced I wish I didnot. The mere thought of those events is like putting a stake through my heart. I am devastated to write about it but to think that you went through that pains me even more. 

It took them some mere minutes to end your life and it took us 5 years to decide to end theirs. Yes some would say that death is not a fair punishment but I would say sometimes you do need to fight fire with fire. It must be mentioned that the perpetrators also tried running over both of them to remove all traces of the crime. I wonder what gave rise to these monsters of lust and are there any more of them. If yes , then maybe we may see another Nirbhaya emerging but I pray to God that the answer is negative.

I wonder what went through your mind when you were lying almost lifeless on the Delhi street on that winter night. Did the world seem numb? Did you reach a point beyond pain? 

In the words of the judges ”Human Lust Took A Demonic Form” but I believe this act made even the demons feel uneasy because that night four human beings commited a heart wrenching crime that one hopes is never repeated. 

”Nirbhaya” you are in a far better world now. I hope some of your numbness has gone as your death wish is being granted but I do know that you will have true justice when humanity is free from hideous crimes like this till then I can only ponder how it must have felt to be thrown out onto the streets just because you were fearless. 

Dear Nirbhaya, we are sorry for letting you down. In a country where women are worshipped you faced death on the streets.

Alas what irony! To every women out there may the spirit of ”Nirbhaya” protect you and to every Indian lets ensure this hideous crime is never to be repeated and give Nirbhaya’s departed soul befitting justice.

Misfits 

Misfits 

For so long some of us tried fitting in, much like square pegs in round holes and every time we did not we were harsh on ourselves. We tried to fit in when we were meant to stand out and all along we were looked at differently for standing out. It hit us so bad that we lost ourselves while trying to find out ways to fit in.

To all those misfits, you’re meant to light up the world not deprive it of light by fitting in. We add lightning to the thunder around us.To all those ubiqutous people around you who try to condemm you for being a Misfit maybe they envy your spark and ability to stand out. You have what they never will. You’re cryptic while they are not. 

People like us, they bring change, they show others a path and discover unorthodox things. 

Here’s to all those misfits who take pleasure in different things, who live life in a way that makes them happy. To all those rebels and standouts. Be what you are and you will discover ways others dream of. Your’e the ones that take this human race forward, break barriers and discover newer, crazier things. 

You are not part of the puzzle , mates you yourself are the puzzle.

To the weird ones. Donot fit in, you are meant to stand out!

To all those misfits, you all are a gift to this world. Something out of the box. So don’t try fitting in.

Afterall No Genius Ever Existed Without A Streak Of Craziness and The Joker will vouch for that too.

Savvy?